Miss Houzhou

When you stop chasing the wrong things...

2011-11-18T12:13:00.001-08:00

...you give the right things a chance to catch you? Seems like it! Recently, I've been trying to identify the 'wrong' aspects of my life and ignore them. The outcome has been pretty good I must say until now. I have realised that there's much more to my life than those 'wrong' things. Much more to be happy about. Chasing the wrong is still very tempting, but resisting it is quite gratifying in the end.

All the shit they say...

2011-10-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

You know all the shit they say about being in love? That it eats your soul, that you don't care for yourself anymore as much as for the other person, that you play scenes in your head to make it seem possible, that everything reminds you of it, that however hard you try you don't get out of it, that you actually don't want to get out of it because you desperately want to believe in it? That it makes you dumb and desperate? Well, they're right. Sadly. But sometimes it makes you smile anyway.

Falling out of it..

2011-07-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

Falling in love is a weird thing. First you're scared of it because you know it implies putting yourself in a weak position. Then suddenly you're gleefully hopeful that it ends up nicely, that you have finally found the one to complete you and ironically, everything seems to indicate that things might turn out just right. That is until one year passes and you realise that it was all just an illusion, a dream, a wonderful one. Then you feel empty, deceived and rejected and you know you're back to square one, to the point when you have nothing magical to dream about at night, nothing to fight for, when you have no other choice but to chase away the thoughts of THE person, when you have to let go. You try to convince yourself that he is not worth it and it seems to work but the occasional long moments thinking about him is inevitable. You feel helpless.
But as time goes by and despite the fact that you wish it had turned out differently, you get used to the fact that it's over, that there was never anything to begin with.

That's when you accept to fall out of love.

Waking up to a new day...

2010-10-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know if that's called a mood swing, but somehow today, i woke up different. I felt good, inspired, motivated, like i haven't been for a long time and i was impressed at how spontaneous it all was. All this time things weren't looking very good, i kept trying, fighting with myself to keep that smile. Sometimes I'ld just give up. All this time, the consumed version of me took over, buried up my dreams, and crushed down my self-esteem.
But this morning i felt it all come back, suddenly! What was bothering me yesterday didn't feel that important anymore. I just figured out they weren't worth worry. I felt free, full of energy and ready to face life as it comes, with ambition but no expectation!
Of course, i hope that this is not just my mood-of-the-day but a real state of mind :)

(I might even start revising for exams now.. lol)

Cheers people!

[Photography] Trying Portraits

2010-09-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

I've been experimenting quite a few aspects of photography lately. I don't really plan out in advance. I just go out with my camera, something inspires me and I shoot accordingly. Last try-outs were motion blurs in daylight, which i found out is not very simple, given that you should expose the picture long enough to get a motion trail but not too much to get a too bright picture.

On Eid day, as i saw my cousin with an awesome dress and make-up, i thought "today is gonna be PORTRAIT". She's pretty and doesn't mind posing for me, my personal model ;). After some shots with her, her little bro also wanted to pose. How cute :P.

Good for me, the light was also awesome on that day!

While editing i thought I'ld do one of those 3-pictures-per-frame photos. It turned out pretty and i also desaturated and increased contrast to emphasise the blue make-up over skin colour.

Here are the results!

Hi again Teachers...

2010-09-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

This whole week was like a mini well-deserved break from school. The National Science Challenge organised by the Rajiv Ghandi science centre was on and we, participants, had to be there everyday to explain our projects. It was nice not having to think about homework or tests all these days. Tomorrow, however, is the last day: prize-giving day. Back to school on Tuesday :(.

In fact, the end of this science project competition marks the end of all co/extra-curricular activities for the year. Brainstrust, MUN and NSC have been taking up all of my school time. Missed classes, coupled with a sudden rise in level from Form 5 to Lower 6 don't give very good academic performances. Even though i don't regret a single bit of it, i'm glad it's all over and i can concentrate on school again.

Indeed, with exams coming up in 4 weeks or less, I think it's high time I got back in class and started being serious again. Just waiting for Ramadhan to be over, then NOTHING to distract me. I'll be having 3 whole weeks of intense studying, 2/3 weeks of exams, then SUMMER HOLIDAYYYYYS :D (yeah, that's the motivation).

So, going back to school on Tuesday to say Hi to my teachers again and probably promise them to do all homework and attend all classes for the last school month :).

YES WE CAN!

"trying this new thing called..being honest with myself..."

2010-08-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

First, I know i started this blog a couple of months ago and then let it down. I thought i'ld give it a second try. I considered going anonymous but well, that wouldn't serve anything. You'll understand.
So, i was watching Pretty Little Liars and i realised i look a lot like Emily (watch PLL for those who don't know), the kind of person who is going to do things according to what people may think. Not because random people's opinion count but because she's afraid to show up to herself and fight for what she is, and is ashamed of how she feels. Not enough self-confidence probably. I'm like that.
Since the beginning of the year, i have things which i want to let out but never found the courage to give it a go. Often i tried blogging about it but i was uncomfortable with people i know reading. I surely still am a little, but overcoming it should start somewhere.
With people i like, i try to behave in a way to please them. I don't do it consciously but well....
To hell with that now, i don't want to have people love me for what THEY want me to be anymore. I don't need people who are going to judge my feelings. Henceforth, I'll try to be myself, even if I'm not sure what that means. I'll find out. I'll discover me.

P.S. the title is a line from Emily in episode 7 of Pretty Little Liars and it instantly inspired me.

Sleep Debts

2010-05-12T07:50:00.000-07:00

By the end of this week, I'll be owing quite a few hours to my sleep. On Monday night, I had 4 hours of sleep, last night only 2 and I can say bubye to some more hours of rest tonight; chemistry and maths homework waiting! I'll surely be zombified and have a headache at school tomorrow, and wish for my bed all through chemistry tuition in the afternoon. And it doesn't end here! On Friday, we've got a big physics test at school. Blame procrastination and overdue homework, I haven't revised yet! so I've crossed out my 8-hours sleep for tomorrow night as well!

The thing is, since school started this year, I remember more days when I went to school lacking sleep than days when I'm all fresh and active. I most probably am the only one to blame though, I'm lazy and procrastinate too much. So, i have to stay up late to catch up on school work. Then I'm tired the next day and don't feel like starting my homework right in the afternoon, AND I stay up late again. Stupid vicious circle! I seriously should change my habits!

Anyway, can't wait for Friday afternoon to have my big relaxing nap :D

P.S. I just realised how pathetic it is that I'm blogging on sleep :P

My First...

2010-05-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well well, here is my first ever blog post!
I've been trying to picture myself holding a regular blog ever since i started reading some of the tweeps' blogs, it looked fun and stuff but well, i never liked writing, so i quickly dropped the idea. Then, I wanted to start a 'cooking/baking' blog but all the fuss about themes and gadgets put me off. Blogging is not my thing, i thought.

In spite of all this, this blog took birth and that's all thanks to Metroboy. Sunday evening, he told me i GOTTA blog, looked for a nice little template and helped me in the setting up. Sweet, right? :)

Well, I'll write mostly about myself, my boring life and its treasures. You'll surely read about cupcakes and photography time and again!

Aaaah this is all exciting! i have my blog :D